Table Mountain Uptime Service Level Agreement
1. Service Overview
Table Mountain ("The Mountain", "The Service") commits to maintaining a minimum 50.3% uptime, calculated quarterly.
2. Uptime Definition
"Uptime" is defined as periods when Table Mountain is:
- Physically present at coordinates 33.9628° S, 18.4098° E
- Accessible via at least one (1) functional cable car
3. Scheduled Maintenance Windows
- July through August
- Maintenance windows do not count against uptime metrics, as per industry standard
4. Downtime Classifications
Critical Outage: Mountain is not there anymore
Major Outage: Mountain is there but you can't see any of it
Minor Outage: Mountain is there but disappointing
5. Service Credits
In the event of downtime exceeding our SLA, affected civilizations are eligible for the following compensations:
- 1-2 million years downtime: One (1) sincere apology
- 2-4 million years downtime: One (1) image of what the mountain usually looks like
6. Exclusions
This SLA does not cover downtime caused by:
- Antimemetic shielding devices
By existing at the same time as Table Mountain, you agree to these terms.
Contact: complaints@tablemountain.earth
Response time: 3 - 5 million business years